As part of our ‘Is This Seat Taken?’ campaign, we’re teaming up with psychologist Katherine Templar Lewis for some tips and tricks on how to bring the nation out of its social comfort zone and get talking...
1. Always make eye contact
Four in ten (42%) of Brits say that they wouldn't feel confident enough to start a conversation with a stranger. It is so easy to avoid eye contact when we feel under confident. But in fact it can make all the difference. When you make eye contact with someone, we give them the signal that they can trust us, their body language will change and confidence will grow in both them and you.
Furthermore, when two individuals engage in prolonged eye contact, oxytocin levels rise, a hormone in our blood that fosters a sense of connection and closeness. You chemically start to bond. And lastly, making eye contact allows you to focus on the conversation and read facial expressions even better.
2. Don't forget to smile
Smiling increases mood-enhancing hormones such as dopamine and endorphins, while decreasing stress-enhancing hormones, including cortisol, and adrenaline. It also reduces overall blood pressure. But not only that it evolved once again, as a signal of trust.
When you smile at someone, it's almost impossible for them to not smile back, and when they do they get the same chemical boost, making them like you even more.
3. Take part in a tiny ritual
Cheer’s is a small positive ritual. Rituals have been created to bring people together to provide moments of shared meaning and connection, and eating and drinking is full of them. In fact, eating and drinking together, sharing resources, has always been a way to form trust and strengthen bonds.
But even everyday rituals, from making a cup of tea, making a drink, or the British ‘cheers’ have a bonding effect and impact on our well-being, calming our nervous system and helping moments feel more meaningful (don’t forget the eye contact, though!)
4. Make small talk
Nearly half of Brits (45%) say they don't know how to start a conversation with a stranger due to the fact that they don't know what to say. That’s where small talk comes in. Many people think it's pointless, but actually small talk does have a point. Small talk traditionally is simply questions that originally evolved into our conversation to help us find points of commonality and shared interest, creating bonds, trust and a sense of familiarity.
Questions such as “where have you come from?”, “what brought you here?”, and “how are you finding the weather” can all not just find points of shared interest to spark wider conversations, but also show how interested we are in the other person, and people showing interest. Nearly two-thirds of Brits (65%) consider the weather to be the best icebreaker for making small talk with a stranger, followed by pets (31%) and sports (30%). So, find an ice breaker question that you like, be it the sunshine, rain or your favourite pooch, and use it!
5. Own the awkward
Starting a conversation with a stranger will feel uncomfortable. Among those unlikely to start a conversation with a stranger in a pub, the top reason given is that it would feel awkward (59%). But that is perfectly natural, you are entering uncharted territory. It can spark negative worries, and fear of rejection.
Remember that this feeling comes from your brain trying to play it safe. Push on, focus on the positive outcomes, keep going, and soon your body will quickly recognise there is no threat your nervous system will calm.
Plus with all the positive chemicals we make when laughing with others, you’ll feel better in no time.
